Another ordinary day?

While I don’t really want to write about being transgender, it doesn’t seem like my obscure writing about tech is ever going anywhere. I’m never going to be a part of that “cool kids club” of tech bloggers (e.g. Serenity Caldwell, Rene Ritchie, Jason Snell, et.al.) so what can I do with my time?

And today I saw this tweet in my timeline by a trans woman (presumably) in tech, being retweeted by a prominent “tech-celebrity”/”influencer” that I follow.

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And it immediately made me uncomfortable. How would I talk about my life experiences pre and post transition? I can’t pretend to know what CIS-women go through, because I’m not CIS.

It got me thinking about all the little ways that my life is a struggle. I’m not female; nobody views me that way. I’m a third gender that’s basically non-human, even in one of the most socially progressive states in the country.

+++++

I’m with my mom, visiting the Apple Store today, she’s looking for a case for her new iPhone SE. The store isn’t busy, there’s easily 4-5 employees talking amongst themselves, not helping any customers.

Nobody greets us or asks if they can help us. We have to actively seek out someone to see if they have the leather case in the color she wants. The employee forgets about us, so my mom flags down another employee. I walk around and browse the Apple Watch display, two employees are talking together one table away. Neither one asks if I have any questions or want to try one on. They do greet and help a young woman and her male friend (boyfriend?) find replacement watch bands.

I keep browsing, this time the iPad Pro. Another woman is there, trying out a 12.9″ model with the Smart Keyboard, an employee walking past asks if he can help her, then moves on when she declines. I pick up a 9.7″ model to try out, then a 12.9, then move to one with the keyboard attached. Nobody ever says a word to me. Eventually my mom and I leave, they didn’t have the case in the Navy Blue color she wanted.

While our visit was short (20 minutes maybe?) nobody ever acknowledged that I was there.

+++++

This was a good day, I was just “invisible” to the people there, or at least they were polite enough to act like it. Some days, a lot of days, are far worse.

Memories

For several months now I’ve been using the app Day One (Journal / Notes / Diary) – Bloom Built, LLC to force myself to write at least a few sentences every day, even though this normally doesn’t make it anywhere public.

One handy feature is the ability to set a daily reminder, and even popup a quick entry window from your menubar. These reminders also show you a simple writing prompt, and can send them to Notification Center in Mac OS X.

Granted, after a few weeks you’re likely to see some repeat prompts, but on the whole it’s a nice touch, especially if you’re particularly struggling to find something to write.

Last night a reminder I hadn’t seen before showed up, not really a prompt at all, just a statement.
memories

This one struck me.

habitual cynicism

My initial reaction was cynical and negative, but I kept thinking about it until I went to bed, and still can’t quite shake it two days later. Do I really only have bad memories? I know there were good days or moments, but do they stand on their own? Is it possible to separate out the good moments from the overall context of my life? I feel like trying to isolate memories diminishes them; but trying to personally contextualize them makes them all negative/sad. And is there really any benefit to this?

I don’t know, I can’t really tie up this line of thought just yet.

The more I think about this, the more I’m reminded of an interesting conversation and thought experiment by CGPGrey which he talked about on Hello Internet 29. (the particular segment starts around the 54 minute mark)

Without hesitation, I would press the button.