So after two days on the whole “Facebook” topic, it’s back to complete writers block for me. Yet again this makes me feel like I’m not really a writer and probably never will be.
Yeah, today’s post is going to be depressing… That’s just how today has been.
I’m reminded today of this episode of “The Show” by ZeFrank:
And this all brings back up a recent evening with my cousin, who basically started out the night by asking me, “Do you like yourself?”
Unsurprisingly my immediate reaction was fuck no.
Who am I?
What am I good at?
Is anything I do ever going to be viable?
I don’t really have answers to those questions, and I never have.
I’m a 32 year old tranny with basically no friends, no family, no college degree, no formal training or marketable skills, and nothing to really look forward to in life.
Today that’s especially hard to cope with. Today I’m lonely, and depressed, and sad that I’m stuck in a life I don’t want, “screaming” at the top of my lungs for some kind of help, any help, but everyone just tells me to shut up.
It’s especially frustrating when someone tells me, “just get a job.” Clearly they have no idea how the job market in Southern California works. There are an extremely limited number of potential employers within walking distance of where I “live” and no viable public transportation. One of those employers is Walmart, the lowest of the low. Even Walmart won’t call me for an interview.
It’s approaching a month and a half now since I submitted my “CalFresh” (food stamps) application and social services still hasn’t responded to schedule the verification interview. And the social services office is 17 miles away, so It’s not like I can just walk there on a whim and hope someone can see me.
So back to hopelessness. I’m sure the “boot-straps” loving conservatives will tell me this is “learned helplessness” but I sure as hell don’t see what I’m supposed to do if social services won’t even help me.